I created a focus group of teens age 15 – 16 to answer a survey about what they need from their parents, and the results are fascinating.
As parents we spend a lot of time in judgement mode or trying to take control. This does not work with teenagers who are trying to find their own way and their own solutions. The good news is that there is another way of being, and it is as simple as looking for what’s right in the moment, what is enjoyable, and what we can learn right now.
You can go with a ‘judgement mentality’, where you are always looking for problems, or you can choose a ‘growth mentality’, where you suspend the voice of judgement and try to adjust to the question: What is there to learn?
Can you do it 100 per cent of the time? No, but you are going to work towards establishing pockets of that in your home – moments that will begin to diminish the stress that keeps you so trapped in the belief that life is tough and hard. We want our teenagers to have some hope that life can be joyful and fun, that they can be liked and that they can follow their bliss, and discover the things that are important to them.
If you want to discover more have a look at my book ‘‘How to Raise a Man: The modern mother’s guide to parenting her teenage son’.